Fort Grunt Recommends:   March 2008
     
      Resolving to never ever read comment sections online ever again - even with ample time at my computer at work, I've decided there is no longer any need to read through comments sections of online articles. Ever. It is something that's slowly crept into my daily life- I think by this month I may have almost spent an hour a day reading through people's stupid, seemingly random viewpoints and only feeling dumber for it. The comments on Stuff White People Like and The Onion's AV Club were the tipping point, along with reading through "interpretations" of the Wire. This week has been glorious, like when you know you'll never have to hang out with a stupid friend EVER AGAIN.
     
      Island and Deep Sea Gigantism - Yay for relaxed population pressures! Huge versions of small animals on tiny islands. Check out the giant undersea cockroach. Awesome.
     
      The Red Arrow Diner (Manchester, New Hampshire) - coming from Durham, the Land of No Breakfast, this was a godsend of my recent trip to New Hampshire. Two visits in three days yielded a mighty fine corned beef hash, and crabcakes on eggs Benedict. Plus they make their own twinkees, called Dinah Fingers. http://www.redarrowdiner.com
       
       
      February 2008
       
      Slate.com Audio Book Club - I came across this on itunes and checked out the first one because it happened to be covering a book I was reading at the time (Tree of Smoke), but I think the best one thus far has been it's recent discussion of Eat, Pray, Love, in particular, Steven Metcalf's willingness to, at length, explain exactly why he found the book to be morally corrupt. http://www.slate.com/id/2183909/
     
      Mexican Hot Dogs - hot dogs wrapped in bacon, served on a bun with ketchup, mustard, mayo, sriracha, chili, lettuce and tomato. so good.
     
      Movies in 2007 - I have a feeling it's going to take a while to get though all the quality movies from last year; I saw No Country for Old Men, Juno, Michael Clayton, Knocked Up, Superbad, Hot Fuzz, Ratatoille, The Savages, The Simpsons, Reno 911: Miami, Once, and Atonement, all of which were good on one way or another, and some were great. And still waiting to see There Will Be Blood, Eastern Promises, Zodiac, Into the Wild, and 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days...
     
      Commentary Tracks of the Damned and My Year of the Flops (http://www.avclub.com/content/home) - perfectly good ways of killing an afternoon at work.
       
       
      January 2008
       
     

The Sound of Young America (www.maximumfun.org) - A great archive of a show that teeters on NPR-ish-ness but is saved by the high quality of it's guests, particularly it's focus on comedians like Louis CK, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford and others, along with the likes of Dave Foley, Chuck Klosterman, Miranda July, Bob Odenkirk and Michael Cera... hours of blissfull work-killing fun!

     
     

The Psychic Soviet, by Ian Svenovius - A crisply written deflowering of the romantic notion of the artist, the gayness of Lord of the Rings and any idea you ever had about the history of rock and roll. Ian (former leader of the Make-Up and the Nation of Ulysses) makes these arguments sound completely rational and compelling, and thankfully direct.

     
      No Country for Old Men - Both the book and movie were shockingly good, shocking because any other Cormac McCarthy we've read has been hideously overblown. The movie is a faithful rendering of the book, with small details removed that veer the movie more towards a Coen Brothers project, a definite must-see on the big screen, the large open West Texas landscapes made me want to move back out west NOW. Bonus: Javiar Bardem as Anton, just ridiculously good.. I can only gush.
       
      Overrated for 2007

1. Radiohead
2. The Sopranos
3. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead
4. Dirty Projectors, "Rise Above"
5. Persepolis (comic and movie)
6. Then We Came to the End, Joshua Ferris
7. Grizzly Bear
8. Richard Prince
9. Liking Journey because of the Sopranos
10. Six Feet Under (didn't see it until this yeah... YACK)
       
       
      December 2007
       
     

The Filmic Ouevre of ZAZ - Zucker, Abrams, and Zucker. These are the guys who wrote, or directed, or in some way created a whole slew of comedies, like Airplane!, Top Secret!, Naked Gun, and BASEketball. In fairness they've been responsible for some real shit, it's easy to remember how awful their almost vaudevillian style of parody can be when done with a heavy hand (the later Scary Movies for instance).

But remember that in their best movies they're not trying to make you chuckle quietly to yourself because you "got" their pop culture reference. Their goal is to have you laughing until your stomach hurts. They pack the jokes so densely and carefully that you really do need to watch their films 2 or 3 times to make sure you don't miss a joke. Their style is so easy to understand and to mimic that they have suffered somewhat for their imitators, which is a shame since their best work is truly great.

Everyone remembers the line "Joey, do you like gladiator movies?". And that's because it is a hysterical line. But then you remember that it was spoken by "Captain Oveur", which leads to this:

Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Captain Oveur : Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9'er.
Captain Oveur: Roger!
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Victor Basta: Request vector, over.
Captain Oveur: What?
Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9'er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice : Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?

       
     

Rose House

Many of you know Fort Grunt's tireless dedication to the Environment. However you may not be aware of our biggest project to date, Rose House. Rose House is a small cottage we've been building on a 10 acre plot of land in Chatham county. Nothing fancy, we're building it with the intention of living off the grid, with an extremely low environmental footprint. We should have enough solar panels to power a few laptops and wireless routers, and maybe a Nintendo Wii. (Have you seen those things!) While most of the building material is recycled wood from an old mill that was torn down in the '70's, we are insulating it with a mixture of straw and fecal matter. It's a pretty basic 2 to 1 ratio, mixed up in big vats and then caulked into the spaces in the walls. I know what you're thinking, when Lou brought it up I was concerned about the smell as well. However he reminded me that since we are both Macrobiotic raw food freegans, and mostly subsist on a diet of rose petals and sunshine, our fece (hey, what is the group singular of feces anyway?) actually smells good. Like roses. (hence the name)

Construction has been a bear, but we're nearly completed. Pictures to follow. Just thought you'd all like to hear about what we're doing for Mother.

       
      Ben's Top Ten for 2007

1. the discovery of Kubb
2. Hot Fuzz
3. The Wire
4. Youtube searches (Tasered, ipecac, "funniest knockout")
5. Anna Karenina
6. I actually beat Lou in frisbee golf. on his birthday.
7. Cartooning - by Ivan Brunetti
8. I Shall Destroy All the Civilized Planets - a book about Fletcher Hanks
9. Disliking the Beatles
10. Knocked Up
       
      Lou's Top Ten for 2007

1. Sunset Rubdown (the new album, and live)
2. Superbad
3. The Wire
4. Repeatedly destroying Ben in online scrabble at work www.scrabulous.com
5. Hot Fuzz
6. Louis CK (especially Shameless, and the anticipation of seeing him this Dec 29th)
7. Snuggling!
8. Los Angeles and the Pacific Ocean
9. North Carolina, mini-music mecca?
10. The Taquerias of Durham
       
       
      November 2007
       
      A CALL FOR REASON! http://idolator.com/tunes/you.ve-got-to-be-kidding/an-idolator-real-talk-special-report-the-black-kids-hype-must-be-stopped-313517.php - a rambly but well thought out argument against the constant praise and discarding of indie music, via blogs and sites like pitchfork, that perhaps there is more a need than ever of at least SOME negative criticism, and space for bands to evolve, rather than latching onto every new thing.
     
      CAPTAIN KIRBY! - http://monsterblog.oneroom.org/collectors_corner/kirby_monsters_never_ reprinted.html - A collection of Jack Kirby's monster comics, online, freely available, in a vaguely clunky format. Jack Kirby's monster comics are little balls of energy. Very little time is wasted by writer (or reader) on character and setting. These stories tend to be plot driven, with fairly basic stories that somehow avoid the EC comics trap of forcing a twist ending onto every goddamn story. Check out "The Man Who Blew Up the Earth!".
     
      FOOM! WHUMP! THWAT! - http://nadshot.com/ scanned panels from various superhero comics of people being kicked or punched in the balls.
     
      "It looks, smells and tastes of poo." - http://mcmuffin.co.uk/mr_and_mrs_mcmuffin/2005/10/ andouillette.html - a pretty nice example of actually useful and cogent comments on a blog entry, for what might be one of the world's truly foul foods.
     
      Top 10 Leisure Sports, ranked:
1. Frisbee Golf (never, ever on a frisbee golf course)
2. Bowling
3. Bocce
4. Pool
5. Ping pong
6. Air Hockey
7. Miniature golf
8. Badminton (maybe not technically a leisure sport, but you can drink a beer while playing, so it counts)
9. Horseshoes
10. That game that's kind of like shuffleboard, but its played on a table top and you use your hands to push the puck.
     
      **Jarts** - this would be the number one leisure sport, if it were legal. If you have a set, email us at fortgrunt(at)gmail.com.
       
       
      October 2007
       
      The Donuts of Los Angeles - highest per capita donut consumption in the United States. Who knew? Oh, sun, surf and bear claws on every street corner! The Fort desires to move on from it's donut-less environs.
       
      The Taping of Nigel II, The Gimpening - This is an extra on the 2nd DVD of the 2nd series of Extras, the post-Office show by Ricky Gervais. This longish extra documents Ricky Gervais' continued tormenting of Nigel, the film editor that he has used for all of his television work. Ricky uses various office supplies and tape to turn Nigel into a human slug, a dog-like creature that he locks in a cage in front of the cast, a bug-eyed Stephen Merchant, and more. This goes on for 25 minutes.
      I know, doesn't seem like much. But what makes this such a perfect 25 minutes of wonder is the sheer joy in his own cruelty/creations Ricky has. The calm acceptance of Nigel, and the occasional glimpse of humanity from someone outside their twisted relationship. Ricky's explanations of why he does it is also nice. Its "his art", and anyway, Nigel looks like a small woodland animal, alternately Nigel looks like a twat because he has no earlobes.
      The best part? Its on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C68ejuw-QyA
      (DISCLAIMER: will not be understood by only children. You guys are just weird anyway.)
     
      Phoenix v. 4 "Karma" by Osama Tezuka - The 4th book in Osama Tezuka's most ambitious series. This volume is about a woodcarver in 8th century Japan who's life is intertwined with a one armed bandit's. This volume features everything Tezuka is known for, brilliant art, smooth narrative flow, a greater than usual focus on the inherent cruelty of humans. This volume also focuses on the vagaries of fate, with the two main characters being used as pawns in the political battles of various lords and buddhist abbots - all jockeying for the attention of the Emperor.
       
      The Butt Farm - Strictly speaking, this is less of a recommendation and more of a laud. And perhaps to reflect this, I should start with the backstory. John and Linda Cordoborbor are a pair of married tenured professors at Allegheny College. John teaches in Genetics and - oddly - Plastic Surgery, Linda is in Theoretical Farm Equipment (Allegheny is a land grant institute).
      About 15 years ago Linda was working in the field late at night, distracted (according to her autobiography) by thoughts of a new irrigation system when a terrible accident occurred. The kind of accident that really can't be foreseen. Earlier that day another researcher had left a robotic roto thresher turned on. Linda was wearing a print skirt with images of hay on it. The thresher misunderstood what it was seeing and chopped her butt off. Linda was rushed to the hospital and lived, however she lost her butt.
      This was a terrible tragedy, no doubt, but things only got worse for Linda. We are a couch based culture, and without a butt, Linda kept sliding off sofas, divans, and the occasional daybed. Like a polar bear without a penguin to sit on, so to speak.
      Also, John was not a breast man. He was a butt man.
      Things turned a corner when Linda and John decided to put their respective areas of expertise together. Linda worked her ass off (so to speak) getting an experimental field ready for planting. John tried hundreds of combinations of cloned vegetation before hitting on cabbage as the ticket. Eventually, with some moderately illegal gene splicing they planted their first 50 cabbage butt seeds.
      Now of course, Linda sits on settees, loveseats, even futons. Its true, as the critics contend, that her butt has a greenish hue to it, and if she sits in a hot tub for too long you can notice a soupy odor, but she feels that this is a small price to pay to be whole again.
      And the field? From that small field came the Butt Farm. For the past 10 years the Butt Farm has been growing and surgically attaching vegetal butts on accident victims, cancer patients, and misguided teenaged girls. It has been instrumental in changing the face of industrial agricultural accident survivors. Well, not the face so much, but still. This is why we laud the John and Linda Cordoborbor, and all their hard work. Kudos.
       
       
      September 2007
       
      Use Your Illusion I and II, Eric Weisbard (33 1/3 series)
       
      Previous 33 and a 1/3 titles on such albums as Pet Sounds, Zen Arcade, Murmur and so on sound interesting ("I like Doolittle too!") but really only seem to exist as extended liner notes. Noticing Eric Weisbard's Use Your Illusion entry peaked my interest, in the hopes that he wouldn't play the stooge and take the opportunity to trash the bloated mess of UYI. He not only avoids this, he manages to craft an intelligent consideration of what the album meant in 1991, it's relationship to other blockbusters of that year (in particular, Nevermind- "I was more intrigued by the stuff you could rummage through in 150 minutes of UYI than what felt to me like another tour of the same parched soundscape. Kurt Cobain was good, no doubt, but how many times could I hear music in the vein of Scratch Acid becoming the Jesus Lizard?"), the changing of tides of what cool is, GNR's relationship to it's own canon (Appetite for Destruction), but most importantly how one relates to a piece of music, art or whatever, in part laid out below:
       
      "There is an entire subgenre now of "guilty pleasure" accounts by former metal fans, documenting their indulgences in a scene that apparently made Spinal Tap look like a documentary. I share very little with these people. The periods of my life in which I have felt the most at loose ends about who I am and where I am going are the periods in which I have related the most strongly to Use Your Illusion. I experience it not as Sunset metal but as an earlier Hollywood genre: noir. Or, if that is too precious, let's say that I achieve an intensely depressive, couch potato media hallucination from what very well may have originated as a manic, on the road, cocaine hallucination.
       
      Weisbard's entry into this series easily becomes the one all further books should aim to top.
       
      And thinking about that, my Use Your Illusion may be Robert Musil's The Man Without Qualities. Since being introduced to this book in 1999 by a co-worker at a Barnes and Noble in Tucson, I've read it 3 times, in sections but again, my relationship to the complex characters bears repeated readings, and probably further rereadings. MwQ is a bit bloated at times (1130 pages for an unfinished novel usually is..) but manages to stay on point 90% of the times, which is saying something. Not a perfect book by any means, and not one I would give a blanket recommendation to, but possibly the most consistantly rewarding cultural artifact (book, movie, painting, etc) I've ever exeprienced. So maybe not so much like Use Your Illusion.
       
       
      Waiting (the movie)
     
      The only people who truly know how bad a thing can be are people who have seen the movie Waiting and Holocaust survivors.
     
      Waiting.
     
      At fort grunt we've been trying to use the recommendations only for things we like. This is not one of those times. Somehow, someone who's taste I USED TO TRUST recommended this abortion of a film to me and I watched it.
     
      THANKS WILL, FOR NOTHING!
     
      The frustrating thing is that in addition to not being funny AT ALL, no part of this movie even makes sense. Justin Long - ostensibly the protagonist of the film - gets upset about the shambles of his life when his mother tells him a high school nemesis has just gotten a bachelors in electrical engineering. Really? A bachelors in engineering automatically makes you a success - worthy of envy? Not a high paying job as an engineer? And how does Ryan Reynolds telling the jailbait that they have to wait 3 days for her 18th birthday to fuck show that he's maturing as a person? Does this make sense to anyone?
     
      Honestly.
       
      Worst of all, the totally squandered Justin Long, who is truly funny, and Anna Faris, who is kinda funny. Of course this shouldn't be a total shock, the film also has Dane Cook in it, yet another symbol of the weird grab bag of feculent boobery that goes on in this film.
       
      It all boils down to this. A comedy has to be funny. Waiting isn't funny. It's the opposite of funny. The same way Carlos Mencia is the opposite of funny. Or how the Beatles are the opposite of music.
       
       
      August 2007 (Essay Version)
       
     

This is a great time to be an appreciator/consumer of humor. Someone somewhere told me that 90% of everything is crap. This has always seemed fairly obvious, kind of axiomatic that - if nothing else - I will only really appreciate 10% of a medium's product. I think that's true even with humor now, but the 10% rule doesn't really matter, because there's a ton of humor being put out right now, so there's a good amount which is excellent; that 10% is pretty damn good.

I know it's kind of awkward to refer to it as humor, but the reality underlying this awkwardness is what makes it such a great time for humor. There's so many types; good standup comedy, writing, tv and movies... Judd Apatow and his cadre have been making some of the best humor around in the form of TV shows and movies (40 Year Old Virgin, Undeclared, Knocked Up...), Chris Onstad and Nicholas Gurewitch have been doing some amazing web comics. For the written word blogs/websites have had a pretty good run, although (not surprisingly) the humor blogs are almost uniformly not as funny as blogs trying to communicate something and using humor doing it. Cockeyed.com, x-entertainment.com, seanbaby.com are all pretty solid examples of this kind of internet humor. In a more traditional printed book you can read the work of Simon Rich and Paul Feig, or the phenomenal Zombie infested world of Max Brooks.

And I didn't even mention Hot Fuzz. But that's because I'm not trying to make a catalog of everything which is funny (see attached.) Instead I'm trying to make a point about how much good stuff there is.

Getting back to the "there's a ton of humor being put out right now" trope, here's something to think about. 10 years ago when Happy Gilmore came out there was no question it was the funniest movie of the year. The exploitation of sudden over-the-top violence, "stupid humor", and a plot which was essentially meaningless and only existed as a framework to rest the jokes on was a revelation in a world of Hot Shots Part Deux and Dumb and Dumber. Now there are car insurance commercials that use the same type of violence=humor to great effect. There are actual people who have invented beer fridges which launch a beer into your hand - the final realization of the stupid humor dreams of the 90's. Thanks to the proliferation of this humor in commercials and reality there is much less necessity for it in movie comedies. This has opened the door for the sweet yet raunchy comedies of Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen, as well as the smart stupid humor of Wet Hot American Summer and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

TV is no different, there are an awful lot of "How I Met Your Mother"'s and shows with Charlie Sheen in it. But in the past 5 or so years we've also had the British and American versions of the Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Arrested Development, the Ali G Show, Flight of the Conchords, Lucky Louie, and the Sarah Silverman Program. Try making a list like that out of comedies of the 90s and you won't be able to do it. Seinfeld, the Simpsons... then what?

So yeah. It's a great time to like humor/comedy. And I could be wrong about why there's such an abundance of good humor right now. The other theory I've mulled about in my head is that Carlos Mencia (the wet dream of morning dj's everywhere) in and of himself is so bad as to necessitate being balanced out by the whole wad of good comedy.

       
       
      July 2007
       
      I Shall Destroy All The Civilized Planets: The Fantastic Comics Of Fletcher Hanks
Fletcher Hanks was insane. The closest thing that commercial comics ever came to producing an outsider artist. This book serves as a great introduction to his work, as well as an acknowledgment that however obscure he has been, folks in the know have been aware of the odd awesomeness of his work for some time. Hanks comics combine a strong (though naive) visual narrative style with a truly skewed sense of how the basic mechanics of human conflict play out.
       
      Hurricane Patton - We've been happily consuming the onslaught of Patton Oswalt shit that has been all over the place, in particular the release of his second stand-up album, Lollipops and Werewolves, as well as his starring roles as Remy in the new Pixar movie Ratatouille. Here's a guide to some of the promo interviews and whatnot.

This interview and review from the Onion AV Club include audio clips, including a bit from the new album about Death Bed the movie.
http://www.avclub.com/content/music/patton_oswalt
http://www.avclub.com/content/interview/patton_oswalt

The Best Show on WFMU has about a hour and a half of interviews (Patton starts at the 43 minute mark), including a call from Philly Boy Roy at the 1:46:00 minute mark.
http://www.wfmu.org/playlists/BS

Nice interview with Patton and Brad Bird on Fresh Air, the NPR show featuring the Worst Interviewer I've Ever Heard.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11510006

Slightly older interview on Conan O'Brien, Patton talks of his love of KFC famous bowls, and describes a 67 year old woman giving birth. Conan discovers why his chair has wheels on it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzH8deM5WPU
       
      It's A Mix - http://www.youtube.com/user/itsamix - possibly the least funny thing we've ever seen, and a nominee for the internet jumping the shark. Yes, the internet allows everyone to have an outlet of some sort, but this guy's collection of comedic sketches is truly, truly sad. Somehow, whatever video you watch instantly become the worst thing you've ever seen, no matter what order you watch them in, or if you rewatch any (at your own peril.) The water balloon video in particular will make you want to punch yourself in the face. Hard.
       
       
      June 2007
       
      Louis C.K. - make a little more room in your heart for Louis CK, a wildly funny comedian who treads mostly in the tired yuk-factory subjects of families and hateful wives, but manages to breathe life into these tropes by his glee-filled hatefulness. He translated this particularly well into his one-and-done HBO series Lucky Louie, which was set up as a Norman Lear style sitcom, but with swearing and multiple exposed penis gags. Check out this beautiful bit here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWhSfln1O4k
       
      Faking It, by Hugh Barker and Yuval Taylor - A highly readable study into the terrible idea of authenticity in music, posing such provocative ideaa like Neil Young and Billy Joel being equally authentic (a lesson in not confusing quality with authenticity), and the roots of Kurt Cobain's obsession of being real and true beginning with the entirely falsified career of Leadbelly.
       
      The Career of Bob Newhart - Old comedians are like deviated septums. They be funny, but usually only in the abstract. What's great about Bob Newhart is that despite his most famous standup routines being 45 years old, they're still *actually* funny. Funny in the visceral and real way that standup should be, not in some kind of "I appreciate Jack Benny because he was important to the development of comedy" way. Plus he's been funny in many different media. The Button Down Mind is an excellent LP, his sitcoms are dated relative to the hipster sitcoms of today, but he was funny in them, and he somehow managed to be funny on Mad TV, the show best known for raping puppies.
       
     

BONUS: Top Ten YouTube Searches

1. "Tasered"
2. "Russian Fight"
3. "Dune Buggy Accident"
4. "Joe Theisman's Career-Ending Injury"
5. "Girls Kissing"
6. "Puppies Frolicking"
7. "Space Camp song"
8. "Bob Newhart Mad TV"
9. "Letter People"
10. "Failed Back Flips"
       
       
      May 2007
       
     

Simon Pegg, Impossible Supermodel?

I saw the new, fucking amazing movie Hot Fuzz this weekend. Car chases, fast editing, explosions, fast editing, decapitations, and a horse all combined into a fast pitch baseball hit into the batting cage black netting of my heart by Simon Pegg, the star and co-writer of the movie.

Here's the thing. Heather (my wife) loves to act. like in real life theater. and I love my wife. And thus should love to go see her act. But I don't. I can't. Because movies like Hot Fuzz raise my expectation level so high in terms of acting quality, clarity of speech (seriously! even in a fucking British movie where I miss half the dialogue I still get more of it than in a local version of Macbeth) that I find theater really hard to watch.

Like a fashion photographer who's been exposed to too many impossibly beautiful supermodels and finds his wife to be an unfuckable hag, I find myself unable to fuck the unfuckable hag that is theater. I feel bad for theater. Theater didn't do anything wrong, it just stayed the same while all the other girls at the prom developed.

I'm going to New York this summer and will see several plays which theoretically should be really good, what with NYC being the center of the theater world in the U.S.. I'm not holding out much hope though.

       
      How Not to Be a Moron

I just ingested the first three seasons of The Wire (enough to brief acquire a Baltimore accent), and while there's plenty to read online about how smart it is, how much better it is than everything else on TV, I think that, after having a few weeks to think about it, NOTHING created in the last five years is as good as this. Anything I could write here would be more platitudes for this show, so I'll only add this: if you haven't seen this yet, you are a moron. Period.
       
      And One Non-Recommendation

Perfect From Now On, by John Sellers, might be the perfect trainwreck of a book. Self-masturbatory in the highest sense of the word, the stunning lack of self-awareness by Sellers makes this book almost impossible to put down. One plus has been to put my criticisms of Chuck Klosterman in perspective, as the music Sellers champions and the assumptions he makes about his taste are almost frighteningly dumb. Maybe this will win a spot on my heart anyway, since I don't have a truly stupid friend, coworker or pet here in Durham, but I doubt it.

(We had agreed to keep the recommendations positive, because it's so easy to rip something, but this was too hard to pass up. God DAMN that's a terrible book!)
       
       
      April 2007 (Top Ten Version)
       
      Top Ten Short Fiction Pieces

Abel Sanchez - Miquel de Unamuno
The Incident at Poroth Farm - T.E.D. Kline
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
Investigations of a Dog - Franz Kafka
The Dragon - Vladimir Nabokov
Gooseberries - Anton Chekhov
The Death of Ivan Illych - Leo Tolstoy
The Elephant Vanishes - Haruki Murakami
St. Emanuel the Good, the Martyr - Miquel de Unamuno
Shadow of the Innsmouth - H.P. Lovecraft
       
      Top Ten Bodies of Work

Charles Schultz
Vladimir Nabokov
Phillip K. Dick
Frank Black
Joseph Cornell
Joe Dante
Ian McEwan
Patricia Highsmith
Bob Dylan
Paul Klee
       
      Top Ten Mid-1990's Indie/Alternative Albums

This list came to fruition while at a Sebadoh show recently, thinking of albums from the around 1994 to 1996 that are really good- not such an easy list. The early nineties have obvious entries (Loveless, Nevermind, Slanted and Enchanted) as do the late 90's (OK Computer, In an Aeroplane Over the Sea, Soft Bulletin, 69 Love Songs), but the mid 90's remain a bit of a mess. For both of us, almost all of these albums we had in college, and it feels completely excavated. There are other albums possible to include by Beck, Radiohead, Guided By Voices, Stereolab, Jon Spencer, Tricky, Portishead, etc, but either we didn't agree or realized they weren't that vital. Thus we offer up...

Halo Benders "God Don't Make No Junk"
Folk Implosion "Take a Look Inside"
Flaming Lips "Clouds Taste Metallic"
Built to Spill "There's Nothing Wrong with Love"
Frank Black "Teenager of the Year"
Ween "Chocolate and Cheese"
Flaming Lips "Transmissions from the Satellite Heart"
Magnetic Fields "Charm of the Highway Strip"
The Breeders "Last Splash"
(there is no #10 due to a lack of a supergroup made up of other mid-90's band members, a la Bachman-Turner Overdrive, the New Pornographers or Damn Yankees)
       
      Top Ten Condiments

Ketchup
Mustard
Pickle Relish (for hot dogs only)
Soy Sauce
Salsa (Saaaaalsa)
Mayonaise (in Belgium and Holland only)
Curry Kethcup (Gerwitz brand)
Wasabi
Hoisen Sauce
Sriracha
       
      Top Ten Easy Top Tens

Top Ten Condiments
Top Ten Faults of Mary Lewandowski
Top Ten Reasons the Beatles Suck
Top Ten Fingers
Top Ten Annoying Things About Durham
Top Ten Reasons to Love Achewood
Top Ten PBA Bowlers, 1962-1975
Top Ten Reasons the Beatles are Objectively Bad
Top Ten Easy Top Tens Lists
       
       
      March 2007
       
      Frank Black, 1995-2007 - As about an uneven career as Bob Dylan's or Jonathan Richman's , and lot to dig through, but there are pearls in the mud here. After religiously listening to the first two albums, we've slowly fallen off, from getting an album the day it came out to not being aware there had been a new one out...last year. There is at least a solid album's worth of material here, worth looking out for a compilation, or the nadine ep, with some live songs with Frank at his howlingest best.
     
      Oblomov, by Ivan Goncharov - definitely one of the best books I've read in a long time, Ilya Oblomov is as fully realized and compelling character as Dmitri Karamazov, Hans Sepp (The Magic Mountain), Ulrich von (The Man Without Qualities) and Toru Okada (The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles), and goes far beyond just being a chronicle of an epicly lazy person to a deep inspection of motivation, busywork and the idea of a life arcing toward death, when you have nothing left to learn.
     
     

Conservapedia (www.conservapedia.com) - From their about page: "Tired of the LIBERAL BIAS every time you search on Google and a Wikipedia page appears? Now it's time for the Conservatives to get our voice out on the internet Conservapedia began in November 2006, as the class project for a World History class of 58 advanced home schooled and college-bound students meeting in New Jersey. Conservapedia has since grown enormously, including contributors nationwide. Conservapedia already has over one-half the number of entries as the Oxford Dictionary of World History. Conservapedia is rapidly becoming one of the largest and most reliable online educational resources of its kind."Worth reading at least for it's entry on kangaroos: "Kangaroos have large ears on top of their small heads, a long snout, and short arms with clawed fingers. Their legs are strong and powerful, designed by God for leaping." Fucking awesome

     
      The Great Outdoor Fight, Achewood - only a little over year ago today did Ray find out he was Blood of Champion and would enter the Great Outdoor Fight- 3 Days! 3 Acres! 3000 Men! All begun because of Ray's dream to make nuts that hang from your phone like those "fake nutbags" hanging off of trailer hitches. Go head, you have an hour to kill, watch man destroy man. Start here: http://www.achewood.com/?date=01112006 (be sure to scroll over the comic for an alt tag punchline)
     
      Revolutionary Chinese Cookbook - Fuchsia Dunlop The second book by Dunlop, her first book was a phenomenal Sichuanese cookbook, this one explores the cooking of Hunan. Her books feature thoughtful intelligent essays about the food and history of the region, and what's striking abut her writing is its originality. Writing on Hunan province is not hard to find, thanks to the various Americans in China blogging about their lives, and almost all of them seemingly having a book deal when they leave. But her writing stands out in the crowd due to the thoughtfulness and freshness of her observation
But the essays pale in comparison to the recipes. What Dunlop can do here that I've never seen before is give you the real flavors of China by picking carefully recipes that *can* be reproduced in the home without too many mail ordered or impossible to find ingredients. Her homestyle tofu recipe is an epiphany, as is the red cooked pork. She also gives a good feel for how people eat in Hunan. The essays were marginally better in her Sichuanese cookbook, but the recipes are much more varied and interesting here.
     
      The driving instructor featured in Borat - Man I love that guy. really. particularly the whole "No, I'm not going to be your boyfriend. Actually, yeah, I know what you mean, it's fine, I can be your boyfriend."
       
     

MIT's Open Courseware website -
http://ocw.mit.edu/OcwWeb/Global/all-courses.htm - an excellent web resource, the Open Courseware site archives many of the classes taught at MIT. Because classes can vary so much, some of these open courses are more fully realized on the web than others. For instance many of the Lit classes offer the full syllabus, links to electronic versions of the reading material, full reading lists, and outlines of the thematic (or other) connections, as well as audio and video recordings, often full lectures.
This site has helped me push myself when I've found myself getting complacent with either what I'm reading or how deeply I'm looking into what I'm reading. For instance parts of Oblomov are taught within the context of a course on "Imperial and Revoluationary Russia", which offers suggestions for reading some Russian histories (for the context they offer) or a collection of Russian fairy tales to see how the serfs viewed the wealthy elite.

       
       
      February 2007
     
      Patrick Dean's comics - http://patrickdeancomics.com/comix.php Well, a lot of these are available online. Check them out. Seriously. Maybe one of the two genuinely brilliant cartoonists I can think of who is not being championed by the various comics tastemakers. Some day I will write an essay about how his seemingly random humor (which to the un-careful eye might seem similar to the Family Guy) is invested with such care that they don't seem like random junk... Sadly he's not publishing his weekly strip anymore, so my life is sadly missing singing cacti (who dress like cowboys)
       
      This season of South Park - World of Warcraft, the Nintendo Wii
episode, Cartoon Wars, even the Satan's sweet 16 episode was really solid. South Park is one of those shows I feel no compunction to watch, but am frequently happily surprised by how much I enjoy it whenits on. This season has been good enough though that I've been makingan effort to find the episodes
       
      "True Tales of American Life" by Paul Auster - Working my way through this one. Good so far. not as good as City of Glass, but still very solid. A good example of 40 watt literature.*
       
      "Fire, the New Sharp Stick?" - A short play by John Hodgman about caveman businessmen. the combination of verbal button down business-speak and clumsy neolithic like descriptors is hilarious and oddly compelling. "I'm a bear if I don't have my
stick-that-tastes-good in the morning."
       
      "The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing", by M.T. Anderson - a strong young adult fiction novel set in revolutionary war-era America, about a former African prince mixed up in a pre-enlightenment group who turn out to be proto-Capitalists... far stronger of a book I remember reading when I was 14, and more raw than most things I read now.
       
      Spencer Krug - his output in the last couple of years with Wolf
Parade, Sunset Rubdown and Swan Lake has shown a huge leap in vision, and how he works as a foil with the highly charasmatic singers he creates music with. Not sure what direction this can go in but as a body of work it's remained endlessly facinating for me this last year.
       
      Why you don't mess with Fyodor Dostoevksy, part 1 - "Dostoevsky, who admired Oblomov, once wrote of its author that he embodied "the soul of a petty official, not an idea in his head, and the eyes of a steamed fish, whom God, as if for a joke, has endowed with a brilliant talent."
       
       
      *For lack of a better term, 40 watt bulb refers to creative endeavors
enjoyed best in a state of fond melancholy, if it's literature it
should be read while listening to depressing (not 69 love songs)
magnetic fields, or joy division, or interpol, in a poorly lit room.
Frequently goths like it, but some of it is good nonetheless.
       
      In terms of influence, this work falls somewhere in the "it's
comforting to the sad art boy inside" realm. I think the fact that
it's frequently dark and depressing, yet comforting is one of the
reasons it doesn't get more attention. I'm interested in the idea of
defining this as a genre because whenever I come across work that fits
into this category I instantly recognize it, and if it's any good
squirrel it away for later perusing. The kind of glimpse of the world
of an introvert a lot of this work contains is intriguing in the same
waysome outsider art is.
       
     

I think best in terms of groupings and analogy. Here is a grouping
for this category:

Rilke
City of Glass
Gerard Manley Hopkins' poetry
The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Struwwelpeter

W.G. Sebald
The Sorrows of Young Werther
Richard Sala's work
Anything else by Tim Burton

Edward Gorey
Kafka
Kafka (the film)
Some of Paul Klee's works
Everything by Joseph Cornell
Amelie/City of Lost Children/Delicatessen

       
      These works span a spectrum of self indulgence, and one of quality.
The regular text items are either more serious or less hamstrung by their self
indulgence, the italics are either willfully silly, or bound up in their
own charm - which is not to say I don't find value in them, merely
that there is a worthwhile difference to look at.
       
       
      January 2007
       
      Ashes - Kenzo Kitakata. I don't normally like the Mobster Genre, but Ashes is an almost perfect book. The plot is irrelevant, the book is thin, but the writing cuts a heavy and rough world, to a fascinating character study in brutality. Also it's very readable and manages to avoid some of the hipster qualities that turns me off of a lot of mafia films.
     
      Jens Lekman "When I Said I Wanted to be Your Dog" - a bit of an older album to pick up on (thanks Micah) but a great album to wallow in; all reverby and perfect for winter, even if it's 70 degrees out.
       
      www.geostationarybananaovertexas.com - proof that sometimes, you can never take a joke too far.
     
      Pyongyang and Shenzhen, Guy Delisle - both manage to take the foreigner-in-a-new-country observations and make that feeling fresh again; his attention to detail, both in the expressions of his characters and details of his life in North Korea and China, are a revelation in their simplicity. Compares well to Carnets de Voyage by Craig Thomson, who's drawing is more fluid but the resulting work can be a little less successful.
     
      Me a Mound, by Trenton Doyle Hancock, and Inventory, by Christine Hill - living in Durham is good for some things, but seeing a lot of art isn't one of them. These are two fairly ambitious books about/by artists that can stand alone as art objects and fill the same space as seeing work in person. The book on Christine Hill and Volkboutique manages to be clever in a good way, and her approach to art=sales object has been helpful with things at the Fort.
       
      The Four Tops "Same Old Song", "Reach Out I'll Be There", "Standing in the Shadows of Love", and "Bernadette" - there's something endlessly energizing about the heart of these songs, the strings constantly swirling, the pleading lyrics... take a listen at 10 in your car, there will be no resistance.
     
      Deleted and Extended Scenes in The Office (US) and Arrested Development - I generally appreciate the tightness and concise editing of these shows, but the extended scenes are just as good but cut for the sake of a solid episode, both shows seem made for DVD. If nothing else, check out why Tony Hale is God here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ztqBPFBy0
       
       
      December 2006
       
      The Comics Reporter: www.comicsreporter.com - Tom Spurgeon's comics blog. Spurgeon is a former editor of The Comics Journal (arguably the best they've ever had, especially considering the material he had to work with) so has a great deal of knowledge of the comics world. But what makes him so valuable is his ability to write about comics without the baggage of all that knowledge weighing him down. Read his review of Ode to Kirihito to see how infectious his praise can be, and to see the broad/specific tension he brings to his writing.
     
      Buddha, Osama Tezuka - I'm generally a fan of Tezuka's work, but Buddha was a revelation. I am re-reading it right now (currently on the 2nd of 8 volumes) and am loving it. All the usual Tezuka qualities are here; the dynamic visually inventive page and in-panel layout, the interplay between realistic and cartoony rendering..., more fully realized than in any other long format work he's done. I can't think of very many people in any field of artistic endeavor who can be so inventive formally while still retaining narrative drive and the empathy of the reader the way he does.
     
      The Psychic Paramount, Nov. 30th, Chapel Hill NC- for a terribly named band, a pretty amazing noise rock show. A local noise band opened, effectively clearing the palette- they were too loud and too monotonous, with two drummers who were completely destroyed by the one drummer for the Psychic Paramount. Normally I'm not one to go on about the techincal precision of musicians but this was another story, coming very close to Jim White from the Dirty Three in taking virtuousity to another level, maybe even seeing god... A mindmelting show if you're up for it.
     
      One-Shot Paints- oooh, covering power and high gloss!
     
      The Art Hospital- a great new venue in Bloomington, Indiana- combining a surprisingly large gallery space, rock venue and studios, here's hoping more places like this open up all over the U.S., as a real alternative to regular galleries, encouraging a variety of audiences and cross-pollination. Perhaps a guiding light for the future of Fort Grunt. www.arthospital.net
       
       
      November 2006
       
      World War Z and The Zombie Survival Guide, by Max Brooks - Two sturdy little pieces of entertainment. Both works contain not a wink to the reader that they are anything less than, respectively, an oral history of a worldwide zombie war and a survival guide filled with usable information about surviving zombie attacks. Very readable, and particularly W.W.Z. does an excellent job of painting a world through tossed off details and apocrypha.
     
      Slither- a great new(ish) horror comedy. It has all the necessary requirements of a perfect horror film: b-grade actors, parasites, country-western music, and it's around 90 minutes - the perfect length. There have been a surprising number of solid horror comedies in the past few years, Slither and Jeepers Creepers being arguably the best two. What's most interesting about both of them is their success with a very "by the numbers" approach. If Slither had never been made and I was asked to plot out a smart/dumb horror comedy, it's exactly what I would have written. Right down to the deer attack.
     
      Both George Saunders' The Brief and Terrible Reign of Phill and Alexander Stiles' The Sack of Rome were two I happened to read back to back- Saunder's book works as a robot-driven Animal Farm (sorry, I know that comparison is on the cover blurb but it's so apparent that you have to use it), while Stiles' book is a non-fiction documentation of the rise of Silvio Berlusconi in Italy. Both works as fairly obvious metaphors for the Bush administration, with hopefully admonition for the overreach of power. I would still recommend Tobius Wolff's The Dark Heart of Italy for a better written, less detail-orientated overview of Italian culture in the last 25 years, but Stiles' workmanlike book is also facinating.
     
      The Comics Curmudgeon (www.joshreads.com) has been a great daily to check out and keep up with syndicated comics, but the last month's run on Mary Worth and her stalker, Aldo Kelrast, was completely ridiculous and hilarious.
     
      Broken Flowers by Yo La Tengo- 5th track off of the new album, absolutely gorgeous, almost like it came straight off of John Cale's Paris 1919. It seems like when Yo La Tengo's at their best James McNew has a big hand in it, even though most of the stuff I've read about them usually focuses on Georgia and Ira.
     
      Mobius Dick and Mr. Mee, by Andrew Crumey- both were solid, borerline great reads, if you're looking for something in the way of Murakami but involving more science, combined with some fantastical realism and historical elements like Calvino, Eco or Borges. Also, like Murakami, Crumey's writing can be descriptive and expansive without dragging or feeling labored.